September 7: Jar of Marmalade

Friday, September 7, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 9:25 PM
Given to Becky from Harry.

I am not a judger.  I just laugh out loud.  No, really, I don't judge...except when it comes to jam.  I find the following uses of jam intolerable:
1) on ice cream
2) on toast when someone really wants a cookie or legitimate sweet instead

I find the following existence or non-existence of jam vexing:
1) at a chain breakfast establishment (i.e. First Watch, Denny's) when they don't present the full complement of Smucker's products (concord grape, mixed fruit (which tastes like grape anyway), strawberry, orange marmalade, seedless blackberry, and cherry).  Either show up to play or close up shop.  [I omitted having apple butter and honey packets because they are not considered jams.]
2) any place that sells bagels and doesn't have at least two jams available

As a side note, Becky's brother dates Marie, who exchanged gifts with me earlier this year.  I popped the question then about finding a way to land permanently into her family.  I'm in full-out culinary crush right out because Becky told me that Marie made her own marmalade for her Christmas gifts this past year.  Marie, you are the pectin of my life.  You're also the sugar, too. ;-)  Can you find room in your heart somewhere...anywhere for me?

The Flash hopes his Six Sigma
training will get him ahead
-Profession: Human Resources

-Favorite pan: Jellyroll pan from Crate & Barrel

-Tell me a situation where using jam would be the only way to get you out of a jam: I couldn't get in the door...I was locked out.  I would use the jam like WD-40 to pry the lock open.

-Given your work in HR, I'd like you to evaluate the Justice League.
-Who is due for a promotion?:  Batman.  He's a hard worker, dedicated, selfless, and conscientious.  He tried to get out of taking care of Gotham, but he had the pull to get back to work.
-Any staff changes or firings?:  I would fire Hawkman.  Who is that?  If I don't know who he is, he's not working hard enough.
-If there was a worker's comp issue, who would be the rep who would take all employee claims?:  Wonder Woman.  Women are more organized.  She's a good note taker and she would make sure the appropriate follow-up would be taken.

-You love cats and have two.  What are the human equivalents of...
-a litter box?: kids playing in the sandbox
-ball on a string?: bad accident