September 16: The Game of Life

Sunday, September 16, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 10:20 PM
Given to Taylor from Sharon.
There's Safe Route and Risky Road.
How can I take "I Don't Give A Shit Alley?"
The AARP (American Association of Retired Professionals) has their Depends in a knot over this game.  According to my friends at, the "AARP criticizes the game for ending at retirement. AARP argues that this implies life ends when one retires. Instead, AARP argues that one can have a fruitful and fulfilling life long after one retires."

I'd have to agree with them.  Take Monopoly, for instance.  People can still make money and acquire assets even when they land in jail any number of times.  Life doesn't stop just because you get busted for a misdemeanor possession of marijuana.

The truth is the number of retired persons I talk with say that retirement is a full-time job.  They are busy traveling, babysitting, eating out, showering, playing cards, reading, watching television, making woodcrafts, and boating, making it feel more like work than leisure time.  I would recommend to Milton Bradley that if they want to continue producing this game, they should amend the recommended ages from "9 and up" to "9 to 62" if they want the AARP off their back.  

Listed in Who's Who of Professional
-Profession: Professional badass

-Favorite camera zoom magnification: None.  I like to keep it simple.

-You grew up working for your grandparent's butchery, stamping meat to show its grade and also that it was USDA certified.  Did you ever feel that any of the packages contained money and that your grandparents were laundering it?:  No, I felt like it was slave labor, though.  I also had to organize every customer order alphabetically.  My favorite last name was Cappazello.  As far as money goes, my grandparents kept it in the pockets of old coats, not in the freezer in meat packages.

-You have a peanut butter addiction.  Please complete the second sentence.
FOOD:      It takes a lot of little nuts to make a jar of peanut butter.
PEOPLE:  It takes a lot of little nuts to make ________________. (a psych ward)

-Taylor Thermometers are used on whom and in which orifice?:  On people who don't think I'm awesome enough and they would be good for a rectal temp.