Part I: Toilet Trouble
Last week, I had a stare-down with the office toilet. It's one of those with the auto sensors that flush when you move away from it, but is also equipped with a soft black manual backup button in case the sensor malfunctions. I had finished my vertical business and proceeded to make a right face to wash my hands. But no swooshing sounds started. I returned to the scene of the crime and repeated the same motion in the event it was snoozing on the job. Nothing. I did this about three other times, with a Stephen Colbert eyebrow raise in between each try. Nothing.
I resorted to doing a jig in front of it--really putting on a show--but my Lavatory Lindy Hop produced no results. I sighed--conceded defeat--then reached for the black nipple, hoping for a quick release. I held it for a good 10 seconds before the flushing motion started and then another three before that morning's tea went bye-bye. I guess the nipple and sensor were on their honeymoon or something.
-Profession: Life Insurance Agent
-Favorite leg to stand on: Left
-How much money would it take for you to tell me how to commit insurance fraud?: No amount is big enough. I would lose my job. I would be in prison.
-Given your interest in remodeling, if you were remodeling a large bathroom, what amenity would you add that does not currently exist in any bathroom you've seen in person or on HGTV, for which you are a fan?: Full body dryer. No towels...just stand in the middle like the TSA screening. I like to reuse my towels anyway, but there are three people who use my bathroom and home and we share towels. We don't care.
-I've always felt that Aimee's with two e's are more fun than Amy's with just the y. True or not?: Very true! I should be dead for the things I've done to my body and places I've been over the last 30 years. I'm surprised that I'm happy and healthy.