September 24: White Chocolate & Peppermint Instant Manicure, Milk Chocolate Caramel Body Soufflé, and Candle

Monday, September 24, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 11:18 PM
Given to Aimee from Mary.

Part I:  Toilet Trouble
Last week, I had a stare-down with the office toilet.  It's one of those with the auto sensors that flush when you move away from it, but is also equipped with a soft black manual backup button in case the sensor malfunctions.  I had finished my vertical business and proceeded to make a right face to wash my hands.  But no swooshing sounds started.  I returned to the scene of the crime and repeated the same motion in the event it was snoozing on the job.  Nothing.  I did this about three other times, with a Stephen Colbert eyebrow raise in between each try.  Nothing.

I resorted to doing a jig in front of it--really putting on a show--but my Lavatory Lindy Hop produced no results.  I sighed--conceded defeat--then reached for the black nipple, hoping for a quick release.  I held it for a good 10 seconds before the flushing motion started and then another three before that morning's tea went bye-bye.  I guess the nipple and sensor were on their honeymoon or something.

-Profession: Life Insurance Agent

-Favorite leg to stand on: Left

-How much money would it take for you to tell me how to commit insurance fraud?:  No amount is big enough.  I would lose my job.  I would be in prison.

-Given your interest in remodeling, if you were remodeling a large bathroom, what amenity would you add that does not currently exist in any bathroom you've seen in person or on HGTV, for which you are a fan?:  Full body dryer.  No towels...just stand in the middle like the TSA screening.  I like to reuse my towels anyway, but there are three people who use my bathroom and home and we share towels.  We don't care.

-I've always felt that Aimee's with two e's are more fun than Amy's with just the y.  True or not?:  Very true!  I should be dead for the things I've done to my body and places I've been over the last 30 years.  I'm surprised that I'm happy and healthy.