September 22: Magic 8 Ball, Stress Ball, and 2012-13 Daily Planner

Saturday, September 22, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 10:54 PM
Given to Emily from Joe.
Emily thought the layout of this photo was too phallic
People like miniature things--petite desserts, model train villages, foam animals that expand from capsules, etc.  You get the idea.  Candy companies have played on this weakness by offering "fun size" packets of candy.  But I see nothing fun about them.  They piss me off.  A friend offered me a fun size pretzel M&M's today and it had five little balls of candies in them.  I kept shaking the postage stamp-sized bag--hoping the upper corner had a secret pocket where eight resided.  No, I would call them "enrage size" pretzel M&M's.

The only group these small packets of candy are fun for are probably cheating diabetics.  They get to sneak in a little candy and only feel 30% of the guilt they would have normally had if they can consumed a "pounder" of M&M's.

-Profession: Speech pathologist

-Favorite wurst: Knackwurst with mustard

-Evaluate the impact that stadium mustard would have on the sausage eating population in Europe: It would be huge...HUGE.  The mustards are either like whole grain or super spicy.  The Stadium Mustard is slightly spicy and mellow.  I actually thought about introducing Stadium Mustard at Oktoberfest or at the Christmas markets.

-As a speech pathologist, what might you do to improve Sting's diction?:  I'd tell him to channel his inner yogi.  He pushes too much.  And he's nasally.  He sounds forced.  I would say he should just go with it and don't force it.

-In your free time, you like to sing and cross country ski.  Could you write four bars of a song about cross country skiing?:  Okay, but sing it Colbie Callait-like.
Oh, how I wish
I could hear the snow swish
Falling down
Snow and I hit the ground