September 17: Giant-Ass Pen, Cinnamon Burst Cheerios, and Can of Green Giant Green Beans

Monday, September 17, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 11:59 PM
Given to Tom from Taylor.
I wonder if Hemmingway wrote with a pen
like this?
I stopped at the gym once the work day ended today and went through a workout circuit of chest and triceps, a workout routine many gym go-ers know.  I did some crunches to get my abs talking and then stopped and had a conversation with my friend Ray.  I confessed to Ray that I had not been as regular a lifter over the summer as I wanted to be, but that it was great being pipecleaner man with the time off.  I don't know how we got started on it, but we reviewed the key things guys can do if they haven't been to the gym in a while to get their ladies to take notice of them.

1) Do two sets of push-ups before going out; that'll get your chest roaring.
2) Do some curls in the car to get your arm veins to pop.  Shouldn't take too much effort.
3) Buy a short-sleeve shirt one size too small so the cuff of the sleeve rests flatteringly on your bicep bulge.

Guys, if you're unaware of these're welcome.  Ladies, if you're unaware of these tips, please don't go all Spanish Inquisition on your man if he's looking more barrel-chested than normal on your night on the town.  It's a happy problem to have.  Leave him alone.  Touch his pec like Hayley Atwell does in Captain America.

-Profession: Sales

-Favorite getaway destination: The Beach

-You described yourself as 'predictable'.  What's the worst unpredictable thing that's happened to you?:  Getting my last job.  It was totally not on my radar, but someone brought up an opportunity and it really wasn't what I was looking to do.

-You work for a Fortune 500 company that does copying and printing.  When they are not looking, do you photocopy anything, like your forearm?:  No...

-In your spare time, you compete in karate competitions.  Are there any swear words you say that are motivational for you?:  It's not really swearing, but there is a saying, "Rock 'Em, Rock 'Em, Rock 'Em...Cheat" that kind of gets us going.