August 31: The Great Muppet Caper glass

Friday, August 31, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 11:53 PM
Given to Jonny from Edwin.

I've come to an inescapable conclusion that I probably won't make it as either a pole dancer or stripper. Just don't have enough bulk around my sitting bones to make it enjoyable for the viewing public or lucrative enough for me to buy the Vespa I've been longing for.

The times when someone will say, "Hey, to figure out your stripper name, take the name of your first pet and the street you grew up" is spaced out enough so you think it's fresh and funny each time you hear it.  By those rules, my stripper name happens to be "Barney Mapleway".  I feel like I'm disrespecting my dear dog Barney's name each time I play along.  I don't like it.  But I probably don't like it because it sounds more like a children's television show sidekick name than anything else.

Speaking of something the kiddos would like, the gift passed along today is a McDonald's Happy Meal giveaway glass from 1981.

His wife likes the Captain Oscar
Sunshine salute 
Jonny
-Profession: WWE Live Event Producer

-Favorite window covering: Bamboo drapes that roll up

-A Johnnycake is a type of cornmeal flatbread.  I want you to close your eyes and imagine making it, going through all of the steps.  What temperature are you baking it at?:  Medium-high on a grill.  Man, that was a lot of build-up.

-If you and I were on opposing tag teams in a cage match, who would be my U.S. Presidential partner and who would be yours?:  You'd be the Blonde Brigade with Jimmy Carter.  I'd take Teddy Roosevelt.  He seems like the kinda guy I'd go fishing with after.
-What would Jimmy Carter's most feared move be?:  Well, since I was born during his presidency, I would say the Umbilical Elbow.

-Johnny is also the name for a condom.  Does that mean your member cannot have its own nickname?: Oh no!  It's Oscar Jr.  It was passed down from my father.  My girlfriends and my wife have no choice in the matter.

-You're the 19th bearded gift exchanger.  Are you jolly?:  Oh my God--yeah.  In my last job, they called me Captain Sunshine.