August 8: Toothbrush, Toothpaste, Floss and Pusser's Rum Drink Coasters

Thursday, August 9, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 12:49 AM
Given to Mario from Jen.

We continue our "Do's and Don'ts" series this week with Girl-Do's on reeling in the perfect man.

GIRL-DO's:  I think a real turn-on, universally, is being able to tell men the time in any time zone.  If a guy asks you what time it is and you reply 2:30 p.m. and then he immediately asks you for the time in Singapore or Barcelona or Buenos Aires, be prepared to give it.  Buy another watch if you need to.  Or I'm sure there's an app for it for your smart phone.

Guys are like giant semis with bumper stickers that say, "How's My Driving?  Call 1-800-MY-DRIVE"  I don't know if you ignore the bumper sticker when we're trucking along at 65 mph on the highway and happily and safely getting our cargo from point A to B.  But you certainly call the hotline when we're starting to swerve and run you off the road.  Tell us our ear hair's attractive.  Compliment us on picking out the perfect Baker's Square pie.  Tell us our interest in power tools is admirable.

Lastly, I highly recommend knowing how to use a can of hornet spray.  Most of us guys are too afraid to admit we don't want to get the toxic spray and risk painful repercussions.  We'd happily let you do the white knuckler work once in a while.

When he's on an audit, he turns into
fireball-spewing Mario
Mario
-Profession: Auditor

-Favorite film style: Superhero

-Let's do an audit of your t-shirt drawer:  On top are a few Maloney & Navotny athletic t-shirts.  I do have a Super Mario t-shirt in there, too.  And various Express for Men t-shirts.

-Throughout his existence, Mario saves Princess Peach.  If Mario wanted to watch Storage Wars and Princess Peach wanted to watch Dancing with the Stars, who would win the remote battle?:  How long have we been engaged?
-Seven months.
-I'd give it to her then.  After a year, though, I'll own the remote.

-Mario is a song by Bow Wow Wow from their album "When The Going Gets Tough, The Tough Get Going".  If the tough get going, where/what do the tender do?:  Go under a rock and hide.  They don't rise up.  Man, that's mind-teaser of a question.