August 28: Geode and Set of 6 Christmas Wine Charms

Tuesday, August 28, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 11:58 PM
Given to Shelby from Cordy.

We are all subtly influenced by marketing that companies throw at us--to buy the crunchiest chip, the snazziest car, and fastest egg timer, for example.  We'll take the company's dollar off coupons or buy 15 caffeinated beverages to get a free one and slink into mindless consumption.

Every day I check my Yahoo email account to find several emails politely sitting in my spam folder.  I check it just in case I miss an important one.  But usually I get offers for Groupon coupons and dining discounts and penis enlargements or Viagra.  And I've got to hand it to the sly marketing execs (really, it's the clever spammers) who put a subject line as "Make The Ladies Scream With Delight".  Or "Grow Your Penis by 75%".  Much like the Nigerian bank fraud schemes that make their way into my work inbox, the spammers keep sending them because there are the few, the ignorant, the gullible who click on their phony links and get hacked.

One of my wishes when I die is to come back re-incarnated as desk chair, so I can observe the person who sees one of these ads and says to himself, "My girlfriend will be so titillated with my 75% increase.  I'm in!"  I'm actually more fascinated with the people who think some prince in exile trusts them with his 2.5 million rupee fortune and that they just happen to be the one with a bank account he wants to deposit his money into.  I think that's why co-signers were invented or anti-hacking software.

His hunched back is not a distraction
for other poker players
-Profession: Administrator

-Favorite egg: Over-easy

-Do you answer questions, such as "When are you going to meet us at the movies?" with "I 'shall be' there at 7:00?:  No, oh no.  I keep my name out of sentences.

-In your spare time, you play cards.  Can you think of a more personalized mascot that would be fitting for you than a shark?:  I think opossum because I'm a pretty reserved player.  I shy away from the bright light.

-Were you tapping out the letters in Morse code on your mom's belly when she was 8 months pregnant with you on Wheel of Fortune?:  I was helping her out as much as I could.