August 10: Promotional Ballcap

Friday, August 10, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 11:46 PM
Given to Beth from Deidre.

Today's the last day in the "Do's & Don'ts" series, featuring tips on things couples should consider when in a relationship.  I'll bullet these for clarity and emphasis.

1) Avoid riding in zeppelins.  I hear exploding helium is not in vogue these days and I would hate for your relationship to go up in flames.  Ha ha ha.  [Serious face]

2) I'm not a big advocate of picking a song that couples can share.  Most of the time it's "A Lifetime's Not Too Long To Live As Friends" or some bullshit like that.  Play that at the divorce hearing, I say.  No, but really, if you must pick one, okay--fine.  But don't pick "I Love You Like A Love Song".  That just doesn't compute in my cranium.  Or you're just plain lazy.  Could Shakespeare have inspired future generations with "Shall I compare thee to one of my previous sonnets?"

3) I don't have first-hand experience with this one, but don't let your mate pick your nose and vice versa.  I ran into this cat at a Bay Area sporting goods shop who said she and her boy-toy do that.  Seriously?  Find a good book.  Go and paint your own clay pot for an afternoon.  Polish up any brass around the house.

4) Make sure your partner is getting enough fiber.

-Profession: Physical Therapist

-Favorite book-to-film adaptation: The Help

-If a person tells a white lie, are their pants still on fire?:  Yes, absolutely.  I'd advise them to stop, drop, and roll.

-When you were in France, did you find any food that was your 'piece de resistance' and did you call it that?:  No, I didn't call it that, but we all wanted different cheeses and wine.

-Recently, McDonald's revealed the ingredients in their special sauce.  Within 5%, how American homes will try to make the sauce, in your opinion?:  45%