July 4: Victoria Secret Thong, Craft Bowl Project, Sharpie, Whoopie Cushion, Bar of Soap, First Watch Crayons, Pack of Kleenex, and Reach Floss

Wednesday, July 4, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 5:28 PM
Given to Chico from Betsy.

Wait till his wife finds this in the laundry
Happy 4th of July everyone!  And congratulations to Joey Chestnut and Sonya Thomas, who are the winners of the annual Nathan's hot dog eating competition with each scarfing down 68 and 45 hot dogs, respectively, in 10 minutes.  Oddly, they remind me of a girl I dated in high school who was known and referred to herself as the human garbage disposal" because she would eat the leftovers of anyone's lunch.  What a gal.

I'd like to know if Joey and Sonya have a training schedule and, like marathon runners, if they only max out on the day of the event.  Or if they could just eat and eat every day in contests like this.  I also worry about them a little.  I've heard stories of people growing up in the Depression who ate Rice Krispies day in and day out could no longer ingest them once some of the strict rationing from that time was over.  I'd hate to be Joey Chestnut--a six time hot dog champ--waking up one morning to find hot dogs no longer a viable way to make money, all the while keeping ESPN (who broadcasts the eating contests) relevant.

The Pope would be flat on his
ecumenical robes if he drank a
Chico Special
-Profession: Director of College Admissions, Emeritus

-Favorite retirement drink: Chico Special (which they serve at a local restaurant)

-An authorized biography of Pope Benedict XVI was written by Chico the cat.  Much like a fly on the wall, what do you think the "cat in the vat(ican)" saw?:  The pope having one too many.

-Chico babies are what?:
[A] product of an alpaca and a deer
[B] your four illegitimate offspring
[C] an Australian confection

I think it's [C].  And it is [C]!

-Have you ever shopped with your wife at Chico's?: Yes
-Did it make you feel awkward?:  No, but I'm choosing to have a selective memory when it comes to this one.