July 27: Jasper Egg

Saturday, July 28, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 1:19 AM
Given to Tiffany from Brigitte.
Fossilized Whitman's Sampler egg, circa the Mesozoic Era
This past week, I got stuck in traffic for two hours on my way into work--delayed by three consecutive accidents on the highway.  I had some time to think about all sorts of things, including the following three:

1) Michael Buble's song I Just Haven't Met You Yet is either a clever way to control population growth, while simultaneously exploding the number of singles events or it is a countdown theme song until cloning technology is perfected to have a Kate Upton for everyone.

2) Some people say their shit doesn't stink.  Some people say you shouldn't shit where you eat.  Combine those two thoughts and your shit smells like reheated leftover turkey and mashed potatoes that you had for dinner last night.

3) I never got really good at using a hoe in the garden.  And I don't feel too compelled to get any better at this point in my life.

Tiffany Western-Union was too long
for most of her applications
Tiffany
-Profession: Jack-of-all-trades

-Favorite way to hold a person's hair: Bobby Pin

-You're familiar with "children of the corn".  What do you think "children of the barley" are like?:  They're hangin' from the chandeliers in some pub and their parents are rooting them on.

-Your last name is Cashon.  In times of economic downturn or when you want to use a credit card or online form of payment, is a name change to Cashoff warranted?:  No, not yet.  It sounds like I should be prancing around on stage some place, though.

-For the four men who play the Fruit of the Loom fruits, do they have girlfriends/wives?:  They definitely have significant others.
-Are they all fruits as well?:  Yes, all like-minded fruits.
-Are they tempted by the fruit of another?:  Of course.  And the bunch of grapes is the most scandalous one.

-A girl by the name of Tiffany Luccarelli left my elementary school in 5th grade never to be heard from again.  Are you her?:  No, I am not.