July 10: "Bad Date Night Kit": Bruce Almighty and Reservoir Dogs DVDs, Bag of Microwave Popcorn, Bottle of Merlot, and $10 Red Robin gift card

Wednesday, July 11, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 12:03 AM
Given to Bob from Kyle.
Bob isn't shy in telling you how he really feels about these gifts
This is Kyle's "Bad Date Night Kit" that features two DVDs he didn't like and wanted to pawn off on someone else, a bag of bad microwave popcorn (Act II), a bottle of cheap merlot that someone left at his house, and a $10 Red Robin gift card, which he considers bad because you can only really buy one meal with that amount of money, so you'll end up spending more out of your own pocket.

I worked at Red Robin during college, serving and bartending the lovely patrons their bottomless fries and I'm-going-to-need-new-jeans-in-two-weeks/do-you-have-the-hospital's-address-in-our-GPS? burgers.  I also remember accidentally serving my girlfriend an alcoholic milkshake when she had an upset stomach that eventually turned into the 24-hour flu.  But what sticks out in my mind most is the family-friendly birthday song, which I'll share with you so you can be the hit of the next birthday party you go to.  Begin by clapping in even beats.

Leader: I don't know what I've been told
Group: I don't know what I've been told
Leader: Someone here is getting old (don't sing this to Benjamin Button)
Group: Someone here is getting old
Leader: Good news is dessert's for free (Mama told me there are no free lunches in life)
Group: Good news is dessert's for free
Leader: Bad news is we sing off-key (then you correspondingly sing off-key)
Group: Bad news is we sing off-key (that's when the audience and birthday person really laugh)
Leader: Sound-off
Group: Happy
Leader: Sound-off
Group: Birthday
Leader: Bring it on down
All:  Happy Birthday...to YOU!

Bob
-Profession: Physical Therapist

-Favorite stench: My own

-A 'bob' is a weight at the end of a pendulum.  What issue(s) have you gone back and forth on?:  Religion and politics

-Alice and Bob are placeholder characters in cryptography and physics problems.  While waiting, what are you and Alice doing?:  Shooting the breeze...about religion and politics.

-B.O.B. has many meanings, including the Bank of Botswana.  What do you think their free giveaway is for opening up a new checking account?:  A fly swatter

-You're the 16th bearded gift exchanger.  Are you jolly?:  Oh yeah