July 18: Cleveland Cavaliers chopper

Thursday, July 19, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 12:48 AM
Given to Laura from Tim.

An experiment is temporarily over, but I vow to resume it once again.  For the first time in my life, I attempted to grow a beard.  Yes, a beard in the middle of a summer inferno.  I tried a few years back to grow one to boost staff morale around the holidays (I called it my holiday beard), but it more was a scratchy neck warmer than anything else.  I don't know what prompted this impetus to grow facial hair, but I believe it was born out of some degree of laze.

I let it grow three full weeks, trimmed it up to make it look fuller and everything.  I asked my inner circle what they thought and the blond scruff seemed to be catching on.  I called it a playoff rally beard for my beloved Cleveland Indians, who sit in third place in the Central and could use some extra muster.  But probably the biggest insult were the comments from a few who thought I just hadn't shaved in a couple of days; no, no, no, mister...this was three week's growth!

I'm caught in a little bit of a pickle right now.  This girl agreed to keep seeing me because she said people with beards are exempted from normal conduct and social codes; she called it the "Chuck Norris loophole".  I haven't told her yet about the beard being snipped, so it looks like I can't see her for another few weeks until it grows back again.  Stay tuned.  This is sure to get wild.

-Profession: Alumni Career Services

-Favorite way to protect from the sun: SPF 70

-'Oh Laura' is a Swedish indie band, formerly known as 'Laura'.  What did she/they do to deserve the 'oh'?:  Acted in an episode of Miami Vice.

-What color is your parachute?:  I have no idea.  I never read the book--isn't that bad that a career counselor never read it?

-On random days, do you and your career services colleagues form a large circle, grasp a large sheet, throw it up in the air, then duck underneath it, while simultaneously giggling and shouting out what you think the color of your parachute is?:  Maybe after some drinking we would.

-Laura is a famous Creole sugar plantation.  What's your sugar, Laura?:  A singing voice that'll blow you out of the water.