April 15: Trippin' Ashtray

Monday, April 16, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 12:05 AM
Given to Jamie Jo from Ray.
 The Raisin Bran sun's misguided step-brother
Some people say that kissing a smoker is like kissing an ashtray.  Whenever I hear someone say this, I really want to kiss a smoker to see if this adage is true.  I also think back to second grade when our class was going to make our First Communion.  Everyone wanted to know what the wafer tasted like and the teacher said it tasted "like cardboard".  Now, I'd like to meet the people who go around kissing ashtrays and eating cardboard.  Who dreams this stuff up?  That'd be like saying "Hugging a juggler is like eating Pop Tarts with Betty White."  I've got nothing against jugglers, but I've never hugged one (at least, to my knowledge), so I'm imagining that hugging one would be like eating a tasty toaster pastry with one of America's acting jewels.  Probably be fun, maybe a surprise somewhere in there.  It'd be hot because the filling inside a Pop Tart gets steamy and I would think after all that juggling the person might be a little warm and sweaty.

She either got a good-sized booger
or is about to fingerpaint.
Jamie Jo
-Profession: Paralegal

-Favorite portable electronic device: iPod

-Any similarities between a paralegal and a paratrooper?:  They both know how to jump out of high-flying objects and know how to prepare legal documents [for a law office, signing their life insurance waiver, respectively]

-Your hyphenated last name [maiden name is 10 characters, married name is 8] doesn't fit on any credit card applications.  What do you do?:  I haven't filled out a credit card application since I've been married.  But for prior credit cards, even my maiden name doesn't fit!

-Green Lantern was a terrible movie.  Does it make Ryan Reynolds any less hot?:  Not in the slightest.