I never needed a squirt of Purell more than I did tonight. I stepped out of my apartment at dark. While heading for my car in the parking lot out back, I passed a guy who was lugging some Taco Bell back to his place. A few paces after I passed him, I saw a black wallet on the ground. I got his attention to see if it was his. I picked it up, he fingered it, said it wasn't and gave it back to me.
It was a black cloth wallet with a sturdy velcro strap. My intentions were to see who it belonged to, so I could run it up to my neighbor's apartment. I opened it up and found a picture of a dude and his girlfriend. There were no credit cards or a driver's license and only a black business card that I didn't care to read lay in the back middle pocket. I opened up the area where the money goes and there was a random assortment of four condoms. Ewwwww....I couldn't get to my sanitizer fast enough.
I remember a video from my sex education class in high school. Set in the 70s, this rube kept a condom in his wallet and got a girl pregnant. The heat of his thigh or butt (I can't remember where he kept his wallet) caused the prophylactic to disintegrate. I wish I could bring it out and leave a copy for my neighbor to view.
-Favorite Boy Band: N'Sync, no question
-Give me your best sales pitch to sell a dial-up modem: Aren't you sick of relying on ISP's for your Internet access? Tired of constant outages? Well, a dial-up modem is just the thing for connecting you and your loved ones to the World Wide Web. 93 seconds and you will be surfing the Net with relative ease. Pshhhkkkkkkrrrrkakingkakingkakingtshchchchchchchchcch*ding*ding*ding
-You're about to get married. What part of a bad toast are you most looking forward to?: The part where I duck out to use the restroom.
-You're the 23rd bearded gift exchanger. Are you jolly?: I'd say I'm somewhere between peaceful and jolly. But I definitely don't like the color Red and I'd like to think that I am neither old or fat.