December 11: Miracle Fruit Tablets

Wednesday, December 12, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 11:01 AM
Given to Mike from Jill.

If you let one of these tablets dissolve on your tongue, it can turn the sourest of foods into the sweetest.  Jill was regaling me with Thanksgiving tales of how her family was vigorously downing lemons and vinegar after eating these magic pellets.  When we met at Panera this evening, I arm-twisted a hesitant Mike into joining me on this tongue-twisting adventure by seeing if it could work on some lemons...and it did!

I think their scope could be far more expansive.  Kissing your yum-yum who happens to be a smoker could be far more palatable.  The problem of getting your kids to eat their unwanted vegetables is now vaporized.  No one could keep up with you at work if you did vinegar shots, that is, until you puked.  Or you could use them for a motivational talk where you show people how to turn the sourness of situations (lemons) into the sweetness of life (still lemons).

-Profession: Land Surveyor

-Favorite basketball team: Cleveland Cavs

-Your dad is a retired U.S. postal worker.  If you committed mail fraud, what would be his reaction?:  He'd be disappointed for me trying to buck the system.  I'd probably get my magazines delayed, along with more junk mail.  And all the Return to Sender letters that are sitting around at the post office.

-In the past, we've played basketball one-on-one and when Gloria Estefan has been piped through the stereo system, you've won.  Do you have anything you'd like to say to her?:  Turn that beat around.  I'd tell her that you had a childhood crush deep down inside for her and that's why you falter.

-Your mom works for the auto title bureau.  What kind of vanity plates do you think she should be 'entitled' with?:  None probably, but maybe she'd get TKE A NO (Take a Number) if they were available.