December 29: 1984 Edition of Ripley's Believe It or Not Board Game

Sunday, December 30, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 1:36 AM
Given to Dan from Christopher.

Dan and I were thumbing through the questions in the card deck and came across this most puzzling one:

Dan (me) _______ when he goes to TJ Maxx.
A) gets giddy at the sight of jellies and jams from France and Switzerland
B) spends a lot of time trying on women's shoes
C) takes naps in the display furniture
D) takes suitcases in the dressing room to 'try them on'

There's a half-ounce of truth in (C), but it's (A).  I didn't enter a single store during the month of December this year, save for a trip in early in the month to pick up some French sour cherry jam.  Oh man, was it delicious!  It's so good with some cream cheese on a bagel or toast!  The jam prior was a Swiss mixed berry, which was also superb.  I get super pumped at the jams and other foods in the Homegoods section of the store, along with coffee, chips, teas (I just had a cup of a lemongrass-nettle tea from England) and, occasionally, some chocolate.

He'd get laughed at if he just ate a
donut hole.
-Profession: Naturalist

-Favorite cereal combination: Crispix, Kix, Frosted Mini Wheats and Lucky Charms

-This year, you rode and finished in the middle of the pack at the Tour de Donut, a bicycle race that allows riders to decrease their overall ride time by five minutes per donut they consume.  If you could assign specific characteristics to the following donuts, what would they be?:
-maple glaze: 10 people behind me would slide like they were on banana peels
-Boston creme: it would be a shot of HGH (human growth hormone)--I'd have increased power
-chocolate glaze:  my eyes would become glazed over and my vision would be changed; instead of powering past cornfields, I'd be in paradise
-French cruller: it would be a missile attack for the rider in front of me
-jelly:  turns the entire road to jelly

-You write comic books and enjoy starting controlled forest fires.  Come up with a plot for a comic that involves you and sensible forestry:  The Dark Lord--Maple Leaf Muscle--and his minions have invaded a neighborhood forest and are bullying my friends Old Hickory and Mr. Chestnut.  I tried to fight Maple Leaf by punching and shooting him, but it doesn't work.  I finally realize that flames will do the trick.

Over the course of a four-issue arc, Old Hickory, Mr. Chestnut and I mount on our white tailed deer steeds and use our flame throwers to eliminate Maple Leaf and his gang in a methodical manner.  We finally restore the neighborhood to a proper balance.

-You're the 25th bearded gift exchanger.  Are you jolly?:  Yes!  Oh yeah, very jolly.  I'm as jolly as Mr. Claus.