December 20: "The Husband"

Friday, December 21, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 7:36 AM
Given to Amanda from Jason.

Since the Watergate scandal during Richard Nixon's term, don't you find that adding -gate to your issue du jour is really fun?  Think Spygate (the New England Patriots taping their opponents plays) or Nipplegate (Janet Jackson at the Super Bowl).  I like adding -gate to my own personal struggles.  For instance, I had trouble affixing a tie on the other day before work and called it Tiegate.  I had a stuffed mushroom entree that didn't agree with me, which became Portabellogate.  I couldn't find my friend Jack in a crowded room, so I called it Where-the-f&*k-is-that-b#*&^#d-Jack-gate.  I'm sure, by now, you get the drift.

Try it out for size.  Not only will you find that adding -gate to your issues is an easy formula, but you'll also find it downright pleasurable.  And it'll add that little ounce of drama (and news coverage) you probably didn't realize you were missing.

-Profession: Fishwife

-Favorite makeshift bed: When all of the guest houses in Laos were full, I knocked on a villager's door and they put us up.

-You have a blackbelt in Tae Kwon Do; in Korea, anyone who has a blackbelt in it must register themselves as a weapon.  If people with a blackbelt had previously named their biceps (i.e. Smith and Wesson; Lois & Clark), what would they do if they wanted to also name themselves in the same manner?:  It'd be okay.  They would name all three parts (or more) as if there were parts on a sophisticated weapon, like a Swiss Army knife.

-A fishmonger (the male version of a fishwife) is referred to in Hamlet as a 'fleshmonger', or pimp.  Describe how you would distinguish yourself as a pimp.:  With fishnet stockings and Catwoman boots.

-You don't like action movies that show 'dents' in peoples' faces.  Equate that dislike with a food you don't like.:  Any type of raw meat or seafood at a market.  I would still eat it, much like I would still watch the movie; I just wouldn't enjoy it.