November 30: Erie Island Coffee Company "Morning Blend"

Friday, November 30, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 11:47 PM
Given to Cyrus from Becky.

I strolled into a friend's bathroom today to find a mini-library inside.  Not only did he have the most recent issues of Sports Illustrated and Golf, but copies of When Atlas Shrugged and Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood as well.  I don't understand why people stock their bathrooms with printed material.  Is there not enough going on in there already?  I personally like to get in and out, doing my business in an efficient manner.  And plus, don't you enjoy snooping into other peoples' medicine cabinets anyway while you're there?

Say you wanted to read the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, a book with 356 pages.  A quick pee may allow you a page or page and a half.  A easy bowl movement three or four pages.  And so on as you ramp up the scale of gastrointestinal difficulty.  In short, it would take you weeks to finish it and lose any sense of continuity along the way.

And I'm not really addressing the real issue here.  Do you really want to finger through the same pages as someone who just had a B.M. a couple of hours prior?

-Profession: College Dean

-Favorite Chinese poem:  A poem by Dufu whose subject translates into "Insufferably Hot and Too Much Paperwork on My Desk".

Dufu was a former commissioner of education who eventually fell out of favor.  The general gist of the poem is his aides are bringing him paperwork.  He wants to scream like a madman as he gazes at trees on the mountain, dreaming of walking barefoot through crushed ice.

-Assuming they all knew how to play, if Einstein, Max Planck, Johannes Kepler and Stephen Hawking all sat down to play poker, who would win?:  I'd vote for Kepler.  He had to be more resourceful than others and I think his skills would be better suited for poker.

-What kind of apple dish do you think Newton made after the apple fell on his head?:  He wouldn't have eaten it.  He would have used it for some kind of alchemist experiment.

-You are an ultra runner, meaning you run extreme distances of, say, 100 miles.  The axiom goes that if 'you walk a mile in a man's shoes, you learn about the man'.  What would happen if you walked in a ultra runner's shoes?:  If you did, you'd become an ultra runner.  But you'd have to walk the full day, pure and simple.