November 22: Old-School Gillette Razor

Thursday, November 22, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 7:52 PM
Given to Kristen from Matt.
Gillette: I guess it's the best a man, and now woman, can get
Happy Thanksgiving!  I hope you had a fun time getting together with family and friends, enjoying the traditions of food and football throughout the day.  Our family also enjoys a finely-prepared meal and slouching on the couch for the parade of pigskin throughout the day.  However, we have our own tradition: every Thanksgiving morning, my dad starts sucking up the cobwebs in the basement with the industrial sweeper.  Every year, every Thanksgiving morning, he's sucking away for two or so hours.  The rest of our family takes bets on the start and end times; the only thing we're missing is one of those grid betting sheets that people use for the Super Bowl.

Outside of this, I never really found a comfort zone celebrating this holiday.  On my mom's side, I have a Cherokee Indian heritage; my great-grandfather was 100% Cherokee, making me an eighth Cherokee.  My dad's side features ancestors harking back to the Mayflower.  It feels like I come down with a case of multiple personality disorder when I sit down at the dinner table.  In grade school, we made either Indian headdresses or pilgrim hats out of construction paper; I made a pilgrim hat with feathers sticking out the back.  I was a confused child.

Enjoy your pie and try not to waddle out of control as you leave the house.

I wonder if there are any consolation
prizes for losing a penis fencing bout
-Profession: Systems Biology Major

-Favorite Greek historical figure: Aristophanes

-As a biology major, would you explain the 'birds and the bees' talk with your children with any other animal groups?:  I'd probably use hermaphroditic flatworms.  When they mate, one takes on the male role and the other takes on the female role through 'penis fencing'.  Whoever loses becomes the female.

-You enjoy backstage theater work.  Method actors will sometimes only come out on stage when called in character.  How would you call a method theater tech back behind the curtain?:  I'd call them a grunt or peon or something ridiculously demeaning.  They probably deserve it.

-When you hang out with your friends, do you ever dream of landing in the same retirement community?:  Is that a conversation that normal people have?  I don't think I've had it.