November 19: Plush Christmas Dog

Monday, November 19, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 11:35 PM
Given to Mayank from Lisa.

I've really not asked much of you, my loyal readership, but I need your help.  Two weeks ago, two radio stations that I listen to--the oldies and soft rock (spare your chuckles for later, please; I like my Bryan Adams every so often)--have started playing Christmas music.  Do I want you to call the radio stations and have them stop playing it?  No.  I need you to help me with a grassroots effort.

What I need you to do is find me the people the radio stations think they're serving by playing holiday music so damn prematurely.  Who celebrates Christmas in early November?  It's been 50-plus degrees outside, Christmas stockings are still packed in boxes with mothballs, and I, not even with Tommy Lee Jones' help, could find the corn for poppin'.  Tell me, how can I get jacked listening to Andy Williams (God rest his soul) and his riffs of 'snow on the ground' when I'm driving around suburbia with sunglasses on, inspecting plenty of yards basking in late-autumn sunshine?  Cripe, I see college students still ambling around in shorts and t-shirts...and they are the pulse of America.

The radio stations blare this form of Americana because they must be monitoring, and responding, to their listenership.  So who are these people who tune in?  And what's the matter with them?  My dear readers, if you find these folks or are one yourself, I've invited Dr. Phil to have a group therapy session in Central Park on Saturday, Nov. 24 at 1:30 p.m.  Let us join together and hold hands in reality and sanity.

-Profession: College Student

-Favorite welcome gift: My own room in the 12 places I've lived

-In your life, you've moved 12 times.  What would make it a baker's, or traveler's, dozen?:  Los Angeles.  I'd like to move there.

-You have a company that makes pothole patches that make the driving surface again smooth.  If the 'hole patch' is akin to the 'Nicorette patch', what, if any, withdrawal would there be?:  Frustration, irritation and anger driving over a pothole.  Something that people thoughts was gone with now back.

-Is there an Indian dish Americans love, but Indians think is gross?:  Not that I can think of.  But Americans would get sick on streetcorner food that's made with street water, or water that hasn't been greatly filtered.  Two dishes in particular come to mind.  Chaat is a mix of yogurt and potatoes that are seasoned on the street.  The yogurt probably hasn't been refrigerated.  Then panipuri, which is tortilla shell with potatoes inside.  It's doused with a greenish water of spices.  The water's not filtered.