May 22: Make-Your-Own Pirate Ship in a Bottle and Tangoes

Wednesday, May 23, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 12:47 AM
Given to Paula from Camille.
For an extra $7.99, you can get a case of scurvy
FYI Part 1: Tangoes is a game where you make patterns using triangles.  It is the predecessor to Tangrams.

FYI Part 2: In high school, I played the trumpet in the marching band.  During the fall of my junior year, we played a conference rival whose mascot was a pirate.  In our prior visits, I had dreamed of meeting the pirate and maybe sharing some lemonade and Rice Krispie treat band snacks with him or her.  A few weeks prior, I had done some digging and found out the mascot was a she.  Naturally, I thought my next Homecoming date lay underneath a sweaty, bulbous head (contrary to what you may have just thought, she did not have a bad case of acne) and was preparing to ask this girl to be my date that fall.  I thought one date at one Homecoming might help to soothe the rivalry between our proud schools.

This girl April from my school, whose name I changed to protect her privacy, sat catty-cornered to me on the bus ride to the game.  April was a fine woman--sturdy, polite, with a long mane of sandy blonde hair that shimmered in the sun.  At some point between bites of Fruit Roll-up, I was asked if I would be her date to Homecoming that year.  Without hesitation, I said yes.  And just like that, I came off the market.

My plans to ask the girl pirate to be my dance date failed.  We instead awkwardly snacked on band food and remarked that Green Day put out some decent records, including our mutual favorite Kerplunk.

A stark naked Dr. Scholls would
make anyone run...away
-Profession: Pharmacist

-Favorite brand of expectorant: Water is the best.  But if you don't have water, Mucinex.

-As a child, Paula Abdul was babysat by which celebrity?:
[A] Danny Devito
[B] Phylicia Rashad
[C] Sally Jesse Raphael
[D] Michael Bolton

I guess [A] because it would be hilarious to have Danny Devito be your babysitter.  [It was actually D]

-You're planning on doing an iron man competition.  Do 'insiders' call it a 'Tony Stark'?:  Don't think so, but I may start and say 'I'm going to 'stark' this.'

-As a pharmacist, are you required to have an oil painting of Dr. Scholls in the back?:  No, but it would be great next to the license.