March 13: Green Day shot glass, Applebee's Brewtus Pilsner glass, and Irish felt hat 

Tuesday, March 13, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 11:14 PM
Given to Claudio from Ron.
Doesn't this look more like an Irish pilgrim hat?
What does a man who has everything need?  Apparently, he needs this St. Patrick's Day assortment--shot glass of the band Green Day, a beer glass from Applebee's, and a felt Irish hat.  The shot glass, I'm told by Ron, had been around for a coon's age, and the Brewtus beer glass was a stolen item that also was housing a dust colony.  The felt Irish hat hit on Claudio's fun side.  "I used to dress up for Halloween and get really into it.  One year, I was a Werewolf and another Dracula--and I mean I was dressed up.  I gave a few people heart attacks."  I can visualize that.  However, I'm having difficulty imagining the transition from off-the-boat Italian to heel-clappin' Irishman.

"You tap your toe and then your heel..."
Claudio
-Profession: Hospitality

-Favorite midnight snack:  Peanut butter and apples

-What's one misperception Americans have about Italians?:  That all Italians are part of the mafia...hey, look at that goomba.

-Do native Italians refer to their country as "the boot"?:  Never.  They never do.

-Do you think Italians should have their own holiday where people get kissed and drink a lot of beer?:  No, I think it's perfectly fine that the Irish have their own holiday.  We can celebrate Columbus Day I suppose.

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March 12: Keb' Mo' "Just Like Me" CD 

Monday, March 12, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 11:58 PM
Given to Ron from Pam.

Each of the songs on this cool Keb' Mo' album harken back to past relationships with women.  Allow me to explain.

1) That's Not Love:  tipsy make-out in college with a girl named...Julie? "That's Lust"
2) Perpetual Blues Machine:  where do I begin?  This is like Santa's Christmas list.
3) More Than One Way Home:  to home plate that is...
4) I'm On Your Side:  that's Beth.  I agreed with her parents that she shouldn't get a tattoo, but, at her request, took her to the parlor for "support".
5) Just Like You:  I haven't met my 6'5", 200 lb. counterpart yet.
6) You Can Love Yourself:  I don't want to go there.
7) Dangerous Mood: Michele, Stephanie, and Haley.  Don't change the channel when Sportscenter is on.
8) The Action:  Mary Beth.  All day, girl.
9) Hand It Over:  Notes between me and Kate turned into our sixth grade teacher.
10) Standin' at the Station:  Michele.  We're at Penn Station getting some subs and chips.  AWK-WARD.
11) Momma, Where's My Daddy?:  Jackie--my high school honey.  It was a literal question to her when we snuck underneath the football bleachers.
12) Last Fair Deal Gone Down: Don't ever try being friends immediately after breaking up.  See #2.
13) Lullaby Baby Blues: I sang Katy to sleep on the phone to Snoop Dogg's Gangsta Ride.

Ron
-Profession: Bartender/Nursing student/Volleyball Coach

-Favorite U.S. State Quarter: Florida

-'Kills' in volleyball sound so morbid.  Can you come up with something that doesn't sound so morbid?:  Maybe call them 'Smurf berries'.

-Do female bartenders hands down make more money than male bartenders?:  It obviously depends on where you are, but where I work everyone's an equal opportunity tipper.

-You collect coins.  Are the infomercials selling dug up Confederate silver coins for real or what?:  I think it's hogwash.  I've been down South and they have some stuff like that, but it's not polished or anything.  We have sometimes bought the coins that feature a newly-elected President, but that's just a trinket kind of thing.

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March 11: Handcrafted Polish Beer Stein 

Sunday, March 11, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 9:41 PM
Given to Pam from Adam.

This is a pretty awesome story.  On February 1, I'm going into a bar where I'm meeting Lauren for her gift exchange.  As I enter with gift bag in hand, this guy at the bar (Adam) snarkily asked me if I brought him his birthday present.  I reply that I didn't that evening, but could in the future.  We get to talking, I tell him about the blog, and Adam ultimately signs up to do the exchange yesterday on March 10.

March 10 is an important day to Adam.  His father, a former police officer, died a couple of years ago on that date and he wanted to honor his father's passing by doing this exchange.  Adam gave me a beer stein that was given to his dad in 1983 by a police sergeant on his 30th birthday.  This police sergeant's brother-in-law was from Krakow, Poland.  The stein is home blown glass and the leather koozie is also homemade as well.

It's a unique, thoughtful gift that Pam absolutely loved.  And later in May, Adam invited Pam to come over for his birthday party where he'll have some home-brewed beer to fill her mug with!

Luggage tags are conversation
starters for her and her co-workers
Pam
-Profession:  Airline Employee

-Favorite hand soap:  Bath & Body Works Coconut Ginger

-Is Pam cooking spray and oil the official cooking oil in your household?:  No, but I've used it.

-Any advice on how a person should handle their luggage?:  Don't ever, ever put your bag on your bed or couch or anyplace you'd like to sit or lay on.

-pam.org is a site for what?:  Something with women against men. [It is actually the site of the Portland Art Museum]

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March 10: Plastic Hear-No-Evil Frog 

Posted by 366 White Elephants at 1:21 AM
Given to Adam from Dawn.

The frog in the Speak/Hear/See No Evil triumvirate that has it the worst has gotta be the 'Speak No Evil' one.  It would be a real drag to get some chow time in.  His friends would have to collect flying bugs and put them in a jar so the Speak Frog could quickly snatch a lick-and-go insect.  Aside from the eating, I suppose the one inherent benefit of being a frog that Speaks No Evil is that frogs and other amphibians breathe through their skin.  If you're keeping track at home, that's a check for 'no asphyxiation' by covering your mouth.

Adam
-Profession: Marketing/Operations

-Favorite kind of apple: Winesap

-Do you have a hard time being and staying clothed?:  No. I'm comfortable being clothed.  But I'm also very comfortable unclothed.

-Do you feel cheated that you can't use the phrase, "You don't know me from Adam"?:  No, I'm happy being Adam.  And I wouldn't want it to be anyone else.

-Your nickname is 'Topper'.  What's the topper on being on a date with Topper?:  Not really sure.  The girls I go out with think I'm a charming, cordial asshole.

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March 9: Mini De-stressing Sandbox, Travel-sized Listerine, Bottle of Bubbles, Notepad and Yelp! pen 

Friday, March 9, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 11:09 PM
Given to Dawn from Kaitlin.
Can you make bubbles with Listerine?
Sandbox de-stress kits, in theory, are a good idea.  They fit easily on a person's desk and the intention behind them is great: lower a person's stress levels.  However, of the people I've known who keep them on their desk, they don't use them.  They just sit there on the edge of the desk--the New Age version of yesteryear's paperweight.

Speaking of paperweights, I never understood those either.  How many people have 5 mile per hour winds in their office and need to keep the papers in place so they don't blow all around?  People still give them with their company logos on them and they just collect dust.  I say, save the glass and mold it into a beer stein so I can fill it up with foamy delights and can hit the tap again and again.  That'll relieve my stress and it's probably not a bad way to relieve other peoples' stresses, too.

Can't grow old together with a zombie
Dawn
-Profession: Patient Representative

-Favorite kind of appointment to schedule:  Pediatric speech appointments

-Kaitlin had to give up the sandbox because she had a cat and cats used the sand as their litterbox.  She wanted me to ask you if you are a cat lady.:  I had 2 cats before I moved into my new apartment; my girlfriend has them now.

-Kaitlin also wanted me to ask you if you'll turn into a lady with 20 cats.:  I would love to have a lot of cats.  I just need someone to clean all the litter boxes.

-If you existed in a Dawn of the Living Dead world, what would be the thing you would miss the most?: Going out and not looking over my shoulder.  And probably companionship, too.  I wouldn't want to spend time with a zombie.

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March 8: Sepia-toned picture of an Amish buggy 

Thursday, March 8, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 11:13 PM
Given to Kaitlin from Sally.
2007 Yoder SLX 30 Series of buggy
Kaitlin's pretty sweet to me.  You know, asks how my day's going, what's new, things like that.  She also checks in to make sure I'm bathing on a consistent basis.  Without getting into my immediate and extended family's bi-annual, communal six-month bath, there is a reason why she asks.   A short while ago, I celebrated my one-year anniversary with my current day job.  I got temporary superhero tattoos and had all of my co-workers wear them on their left forearms.  I wore one of Justice League super villain Darkseid.

One of my co-workers must have scrubbed hers down in the shower the subsequent night because all that remained were a few flecks of Lex Luthor's head.  Mine remained mostly in tact and got Kaitlin to wonder whether I was showering on a regular enough basis.  As I write now, I still have some Darkseid remaining two weeks later.

What Kaitlin, my cleanly co-worker and I concluded was that I'm a decent (for scent) shower-er, but fairly lax as a scrubber-er.

Seductive one prefers shag
Kaitlin
-Profession: Food writer; Seductive Sagista (seductive, wise barista)

-Favorite kind of carpet: I don't like carpet.  But I do like the braided, woven rugs or I like the rugs I crochet myself.

-What kinds of things do you notice when you go into a competitor's coffee shop?:  The sound of their milk steaming.  I know when the milk's going to be burnt.

-Is there any kind of food you will not eat and write about?:  I'm not picky.  I just had a steak, which made my mom tear up.  She's been trying to get me to do that for ages.

-How often do you spray down your bathroom tiles with tub-n-tile cleaner?:  They get a good scrub-down about once a month.

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March 7: Folding Metal Picture Stand 

Wednesday, March 7, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 11:46 PM
Given to Sally from Kate.
Finding a photo is going to be a real pane
in the glass
"I've been framed" is an expression freshly-arrested rapscallions use to proclaim their innocence to the media.  It can also be used as a way small craft and picture framing shops can appear to be clever.  Either way, it's probably not something you want to be caught saying out in public under any circumstance.

With one exception.  Did you ever make those frames consisting of various shapes of dried macaroni?  I think they soften any harshness, round out any sharp corners, and add a little bit of levity to the grump, in-law and neurotic dictator that you may have framed on your desk, respectively.  If you happen to be any of the aforementioned characters, I'd say it proudly.

Penne for your thoughts?
Sally
-Profession: Retired Jack-of-all-Trades

-Favorite kind of window cleaner: White vinegar with water...no, my window cleaning company

-Do you own any Sally Beauty Supply products?:  Yes, I use their combs.

-You led a Rotary chapter.  What cause would Rotary least be likely to support?:  Anything supporting politicians or elections.

-There were consequences if you missed a certain number of Rotary meetings.  What would you have liked to see installed as a penalty?:  Probably nothing that's legal.

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