April 6: Chia Obama

Friday, April 6, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 11:02 PM

Given to Sally from Greg.

All 'W' got was a toilet scrubber

Back in mid-December, I was finishing up a game of 33 (basketball game) with my friends Devin and Mike. I managed to win all three games we played, putting on a shooting clinic in the process. As we were stretching afterward, I was telling them about my diabolical idea for the blog. Devin said he would do it only if two girls stretching near us--who we all didn't know--would do it. Polling sane people, he thought, would be a good way to gauge the appeal of such a project. They came over, listened to my idea and said they would do it; however, I didn't get their sign-up at that time. Devin immediately signed up for a date, looking as though I had just posterized him with a tomahawk dunk.

I hadn't seen Sally for a couple of months until spotting her at the gym in late-February. She asked me how my blog was coming along. Well, right then and there, I got a date for her exchange which was today!

Random fact: Sally's super embarrassed to admit this, but she likes to see the vacuum lines in her carpeting.

Writes about Robert Blackwell's
bumps in red ink

Sally
-Profession: Accountant

-Favorite gossip magazine: People because it's the most true.

-Long Tall Sally was a song written by Robert "Bumps" Blackwell. What do you think the bumps are?: Some body bumps--a butt or something.

-Originally from Erie, PA where you got tons and tons of snow each winter, you now live in Cleveland where people just wine about how much snow they get (it's about half as much as Erie). How do you feel about that?: From grades K-12, I never had a day off due to bad weather. They allotted for snow days, but used them in the spring to give us long weekends. I never understood why they just didn't use them when they needed to!

-I get confused. What's the bad one--being in the black or the red?: Red's bad. I only use my red pen to make corrections on something, but at no other time. I'd rather write in purple or green.

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April 5: Salad Dressing Infuser

Thursday, April 5, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 10:37 PM

Given to Greg from Kandyce.

Does anyone else think the vial looks like
a bong?

I asked Greg one simple question after he opened his gift. I said, "Greg, pretend your a waiter at a family restaurant. What kind of salad dressing could you offer your guest?"
Greg: "French, Italian, ranch, raspberry vinaigrette, parmesan cheese, sun-dried tomato basil, blue cheese, balsamic vinaigrette, and the House dressing.

With his gift, he pours a little from the hotel fridge-sized balsamic vinegar bottle into the glass vial and then a little bit of the olive oil into the vial. And somehow (no instruction book was provided), someway, somewhere, a tasty salad dressing is born.

He's one jacuzzi away from never
leaving his basement

Greg
-Profession: TV Design Director

-Favorite Harry Potter character: Ron Weasley

-Do you have a man cave?: Yes! I've got a 3-D TV, a bunch of guitars mounted on the walls, a mini-bar, futon, couch, half-bath and a fireplace. It's pretty great. My daughter will have sleepovers down there, too.

-Your job involves you to work on production for filming baseball games. Does your producer ever flash a sign when you're filming so you, for example, zoom in?: No, nothing like that.

-Shoegazing music is a staple on your iPod. Who's your favorite 'shoegazer' and why do you like the genre so much?: I like Ulrich Schnauss...that's some great stuff. It's relaxing.

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April 4: "Beanswax Over the Moon" Yankee Candle and Notepad

Posted by 366 White Elephants at 12:12 AM

Given to Kandyce from Carol.

Fine print: And don't forget to call your mother

Last year, the organization I work for was holding an event at the place where Kandyce works. Very nice and comfortable facility. It was my first time there and I was getting a tour of the place; at this time, we did not know each other. As I was being led around the facility, I noticed something sparkling in the ballroom carpeting. I bent down and picked up a nice-sized diamond that came out of someone's earring or ring. I gave it to the person who was showing me around in the faint hope that someone would claim it.

Since that time, I have bent down when noticing anything sparkling in carpet. 97% of the time, it's glitter. The other 3% of the time, it's change. 100% of the time, it's not worth me bending down.

Kandyce
-Profession: Assistant Catering Manager

-Favorite # of rings before answering your phone: 0. I keep my phone on silent, so it doesn't ring. I miss a ton of calls. My husband calls maybe 5 or 6 times and then I call him back.

-urbandictionary.com says Kandyce is "the kind of person who rides a unicorn into the sunset". Any truth in there for you?: Riding a unicorn is kind of hippie-like. And my sisters called me a hippie. So yeah.

-Some people talk about putting the "fun" into 'funeral' or 'fundraising'. How can you put the "hospital" in 'hospitality'?: I'd knock people out so they could get into a bed. Maybe throw in a complimentary ice pack.

-Who's your absolute favorite tap dancer of all-time?: Gene Kelly. There's this scene he does from An American in Paris that I absolutely love. I tried it once, but I don't think I'll ever attempt it again.

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April 3: Two Certified Diamond Watches and a Boomerang

Wednesday, April 4, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 7:38 AM

Given to Carol from Iwan.

A recent poll suggests boomerangs are a girl's
sixth best friend

I've never told this to anyone, let alone letting Carol know of my wish during yoga class. In many yoga classes, there's usually relaxing Eastern music playing in the background (in tonight's class, there were gongs and stuff). And 98% of the time, it works just great. However, there's a pose called "The Pigeon" and I really want someone to play "Doin' the Pigeon" a song and dance that Bert on Sesame Street performed. Just a request.

Carol
-Profession: Yoga Teacher

-Favorite Yoga Position: Tree

-Do you enjoy carol-ing at Christmas?: No, It would not be a gift to anyone for me to sing.

-How do you reconcile the Lays potato chip slogan "Bet you can't eat just one" with the yoga practice of brachmacharya (moderation)?: If everyone applied the Lays slogan to yoga, we'd all be balanced and healthy.

-% of yoga teachers who become professional body contortionists: Less than 1%. A long time ago, some yogis went into the circus to become body contortionists; it was a form of begging. It wasn't the best part of yoga's history.

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April 2: The Case for Christ book and Palm Cross

Monday, April 2, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 11:03 PM

Given to Iwan from Carless.

See Lee Strobel's other bestseller:
"The Case for Cured Hams"

Iwan is, for all practical purposes, a rocket scientist. I asked him if he ever mentioned his profession if someone around him was putting together, for example, a cabinet. "Well, it's not rocket science," I presumed he would say. But he did have this fun anecdote:

"I've said things like 'this isn't rocket science' on many occasions, often to get a laugh. A few years ago, I was asked to give a talk to the American Society of Neurosurgeons. It was a breakfast talk. And I made this comment about brain surgery and rocket science. Let's put it this way--they weren't a humorous bunch."

Jolly Bearded Gents Associaton
demanding he shave his beard off

Iwan
-Profession: Professor, Mechanical and Aerospace Engineering

-Favorite American accent: Genuine Deep South

-In the States, luxury items (i.e. high end cars) often have the announcer with a British accent talking about their features. For luxury items in the Wales, where you're from, what accent do they use?: Well, an upper class accent as opposed to something regional. No foreign accents, though.

-What's the best province in the UK?: Wales, for sure.

-You're our 10th bearded gift exchanger. Are you jolly?: I would say the people that know me well would say I'm not jolly. I can have a good time, but I'm not jolly.

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April 1: Nesting Doll and Lavender-scented Microwavable Heat Wrap

Sunday, April 1, 2012 - Posted by 366 White Elephants at 11:16 PM

Given to Carless from Diamar.

Unlike his moniker, Carless does indeed have a car (2001 Ford Taurus) and drove to meet me at the local Starbucks for today's April Fool edition of gift exchanges. Turns out, there was no fooling going on today. Carless own two black belts and has vast experience with tae kwon do, jiu jitsu, kabudo and sho ki kai karate; he works out extensively. In other words, this is not the kind of guy you want to meet in an alley. But you would want to meet him at a Starbucks to give him a heat wrap for all those aching and sore muscles from the heavy workouts. "Hey, this'll come in handy," says Carless.

Has a brother named Vanless

Carless
-Profession: Security officer

-Favorite kind of shaving cream: Edge Gel

-How did you get the name 'Carless'?: My mom and her best friend were having babies at the same time. My mom's friend had hers on January 14 and named her Corless. I was born the next day. They wanted to name me something that sounded similar so I got named Carless.

-Do you take an extra sniff when you tell people you have two black belts?: No, that's not the way it works. Usually, those guys want to show you a move. You watch them and you could pin them in a second. The guys that brag don't know what they're doing.

-What's your favorite scene from Karate Kid?: It's from the third one when Jackie Chan takes the kid up to the mountains to see the monks. Amazing.

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March 31: Wooden Elephant-Themed Pen Display

Posted by 366 White Elephants at 2:21 AM

Given to Diamar from Tom.

The woman in the upper right really
wants this pen

Goodbye March! We're one quarter into 2012 and this blog. But before we bid March its final adieu, do you remember the weather proverb "March comes in like a lion and out like a lamb"? The meaning, of course, is that the month begins with severe weather and ends with more spring-like, pleasant weather. [Side note: Did you ever wonder if this thinking ever contradicted the groundhog's prediction on Feb. 2?] I remember my parents and only my 3rd grade teacher, for some odd reason, reminding me of this meteorological certainty.

However, I polled 108 people on both March 1 and today to see how they thought the month came and went. Here are the results:

March 1
-44% said the month came in like an armadillo
-37% said a frustrated rooster
-11% said lion, puma, cheetah, or cougar
-8% said a yak with 'tude

March 31
-49% said the month ended like the animal on Donald Trump's head
-22% said rose-breasted grosbeak
-18% said a carp
-11% said they didn't care to answer my question since the 2012 apocalypse was drawing nearer

Diamar
-Profession: Hair Stylist

-Favorite hair cutting tool: Clippers

-You tell people to call you "Dee" because it's shorter and easier. If you could give every man, woman and child a haircut that was shorter and easier, what would it be?: A short, layered cut...probably a buzz cut.

-You're from the Virgin Islands, but have lived in the States for a while. Is there anything that just doesn't make any sense about living here?: Why many parents automatically kick their kids out of the house at 18.

-Can you approximate the longest, wiliest eyebrow hair you've ever seen?: It was about 2 inches...it was humungous! It went all the way down to past his eye and it curled.

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